Just Ask Jenna Looks At Being Social

by Jenna C, ’26

Dear Jenna,

I love being social, but sometimes I want to stay home without feeling like I am letting people down. How do I say “no” to plans in a way that does not hurt my friendships?

Sincerely,

Needing a Break

Dear Needing a Break,

Wanting time alone does not make you a bad friend. In economics, there is a concept called a budget
constraint. Usually it is about money, but it also applies to your energy. You only have so much of it each
week. Every time you agree to a plan, you are spending some of that energy. If you spend too much, you
end up showing up tired and not excited to be there, which does not help anyone.
Think about your phone battery. If you keep running multiple apps at once and never pause to charge your
phone, the battery drains fast and everything slows down. The same is true for you: if you spend all your
energy on being social, you have less for school, family, and even yourself. Real friends want you to show up
as your best self, not a worn-out version when you are just trying to keep up. This shows up everywhere,
from athletes needing recovery days to students needing weekends to reset after a long school week.
Liking your friends does not mean you never need a break.
Another idea that helps explain this is mental accounting. It means we separate our time and effort
into different categories in our heads like school family, and ourselves. Even though everything takes
energy, your brain does not treat all activities the same. That is why you might be willing to spend hours
watching a TV show but feel overwhelmed by the idea of studying for the same amount of time. Social
time feels different from school time, and hanging out with those close friends can feel different from
going to a big event. Those accounting categories do not always have the same amount of time and
energy in them.
Before saying yes to plans, ask yourself what you actually need that day. You can still be a good
friend while using your time and energy intentionally.  If your friends care about you, they will respect
that.

Best of luck!
Jenna

Disclaimer

The information provided from Just Ask Jenna is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice. While every effort is made to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information shared, the author makes no guarantees of any kind regarding completeness, accuracy, or suitability for any particular purpose.

All opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not represent any affiliated organizations or entities.